We believe the world would be a better place if the President of the USA were more relaxed. We propose that he needs more sex.
We, the undersigned, in the interest of international harmony and seeking an end to all violence in this world, do hereby call on the president of the United States, George W. Bush, to find a fully consenting adult intern to service his sexual needs.
We call on the president to avail himself of every opportunity to engage in sexual relations of any sort with this intern. Specifically, we feel international relations could be improved by having said services available during international phone calls to foreign heads of state. As evidence of this assertion, we note that the Middle East peace process made real progress while a similar policy was in place during the Clinton White House.
We also recommend that Vice President Dick Cheney make a similar arrangement. However, we realize that this might be more difficult owing to his health issues and general lack of attractiveness. Due to these complications, we suggest Mr. Cheney's intern might want to confine his or her activity to hand jobs.
So resolved, on March 6, 2002, according to the undersigned:
