Save Kosher Meat

 Whilst Jewdas is an organisation which prides itself on factual accuracy and journalistic integrity, we have to admit that from time to time even we make mistakes.  We now concede that Jamie Oliver is not about to become the next LBD shochet and never intended to make a Channel Four series about shechita. We are sorry for any confusion we may have caused. We apologise to those who were looking forward to Jamie holding a vat of cholent and describing it as 'pukka'. We apologise especially to the several individuals in the Hendon area recently seen panic-buying massive quantities of kosher meat - rest assured, your chicken soup is safe.

That said, we would also like to declare this campaign a total success. Who would dare make a TV show about shechita now? There may not have been an actual threat, but we have spoken out loud and clear against it.

This form of campaigning is far more effective than anything ever attempted before. The Board of Deputies is famous for seeing threats to Jewish life all around them; this approach goes one step further by spotting such threats before they actually exist. All we need to do is to make a list of 'things that might in future be bad for the Jews' and launch pre-emptive campaigns against them all. Let us illustrate:

•  Ok, so the government isn't actually thinking of banning faith schools, BUT THEY MIGHT. So let's start a campaign now before our little children are forced to socialise with non Jews.

 

• The government may not have yet imposed a heavy tax on air travel, BUT SHOULD THEY DO SO they need to be told that holidaying in Eilat is an inalienable Jewish right.

 

• Yes, at the moment there is no specific tax for wearers of black hats, BUT WHAT IF ONE WAS INTRODUCED? Let's get the petitions started now.

Now some say that it is possible to play the antisemitism card too readily.  We say it is a card best played as often and as forcefully as possible, unencumbered by such irritations as care, caution or fact. This is indeed key to the potential success of all future campaigns. But in reality, we have to admit that most people are way ahead of the game on this one - plenty of those who signed the Jamie Oliver petition were using that well-thumbed card. Take this comment for example:

absolute disgrace. Antisemitic motive

We couldn't have put it more succinctly. Great stuff. Yet others were even more skilled in the art of defending the Jews. The Jewdas team were full of admiration for this comment:

A visit to a concentration camp might make Jamie Oliver and the channel 4 producers understand why Jews wish to carry on with ALL their ancient traditions

Which perfectly illustrates the key rhetorical point: there is no argument to which the holocaust is not applicable. We say this not in jest, but to guarantee the success of all our future campaigns against yet-to-be-realised, but could-maybe-happen events affecting the Jewish world.

Continued on jewdas.org...

THE PETITION... 

Jewish freedoms in the UK are under threat; please take action now.

It has become apparent that Jamie Oliver and Channel Four are in the process of filming a new series about food production. This time, Jamie will be focussing on ritual animal slaughter.

Jamie Oliver's next series is set to be an examination of shechita, the method of ritual slaughter used by Jews and Muslims. Reports suggest that Oliver will condemn the practice as barbaric, and argue that animal rights must take precedence over religious sensibilities. It is thought that the programme will show animals being slaughtered under Jewish and Muslim auspices, with footage showing great pain and suffering, rather than it being a painless method, as its supporters have claimed.

Although all the details are not yet clear, it appears that Oliver will actually be undergoing full training to become a Shochet, or Kosher slaughterer. Channel Four then intend to show in graphic detail the slaughter of a cow involving Oliver cutting through the jugular vein. Obviously, the spilled blood will make the practice appear cruel and inhumane without taking into account the skill and precise work of a real Shochet.

If shown, the programme will be a shocking attack on religious freedom in Britain, and an example of gross anti-Semitism. Shechita is a humane method of slaughter, and, more importantly, the Jewish community has the right to continue to practice its ancient traditions. If the idea of banning shechita gains popular approval (and Oliver certainly has the capacity to do this, following his recent campaign on the welfare of battery hens) other Jewish practices such as circumcision are sure to soon be under threat. We have to mobilise now, to prevent this programme from being aired, and safeguard religious freedom in the UK.

Signing this petition will send a clear message to Channel Four; together we can stop this show and preserve our rights.