Change the name of pineapples to awe-inspiring tangy fruit of excellence and awe
The minty freshness of pine needles mixed with the plain old everydayness of apples. Mmmmmm, delicious right? No, of course it isn't. In fact, it sounds downright terrible. We need to give this king of fruit the respect it deserves! Sign now and let The Man know you won't stand for the oppression of this tropical phenomenon any longer!
We the undersigned graciously ask that you reconsider the use of the term "pineapple" while representing this most glorious fruit. We ask instead that you use the more descriptive and infinitely more accurate term "awe-inspiring tangy fruit of excellence and awe", for the following reason:
Pineapple suggests a flavour that combines apples with pine needles. It sounds like a pretty good air freshener scent but as a tasty snack? Gag. If they had feelings they would be crying right now. Why do you want to make them cry? It's like calling the smelly kid on the playground smelly to his face instead of behind his back when he can't hear you. It's just not right.
So if you want to continue to use the term "pineapple" go ahead, just do it when nobody can hear you.
Oh and if you're thinking that aweinspiringtangyfruitofexcellenceandawegrowersassociationofhawaii.com is never going to be available as a url, it totally is. We know, we were surprised too. Good luck with your business cards. Thank you for your time.
